I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
