I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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