just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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