Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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