I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
as a side note pls kill me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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