we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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