So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
