WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
