he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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