walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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