The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
