and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
