My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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