Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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