A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ambien. No doubt about it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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