I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
