i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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