I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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