Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
