i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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