drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
