I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
