I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
