She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
