Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize