had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
