i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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