I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
