I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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