just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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