I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
