Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
