BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
