I'm jealous of your bromance
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
