I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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