Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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