The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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