What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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