Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
