Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
