It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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