i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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