Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
