just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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