Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
