I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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