Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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