she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
