Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
