I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
