well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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