from now on my penis is your penis
the day after is always just damage control
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
