you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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