she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
