he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
