He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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