whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
