i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
