i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
