Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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