i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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