I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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