I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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