if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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